Disclaimer: The information on this website is not a substitute for medical or psychological treatment. The content is based on personal practice and emotional work methods, not medical advice. If you are experiencing serious physical or mental health issues, please seek professional help from a qualified doctor or therapist. Emotional work is individual and results may vary.
Many relationships don’t fall apart because of one big disaster. They slowly lose their warmth because everyday stress, old hurts, and unspoken disappointments build up layer by layer. One day you realize you love your partner, but you don’t feel close. You live together, yet something inside feels lonely.
In one of his talks, Robert G. Smith explains why this happens so often. He says relationships are emotionally conditioned. That means your brain links your partner with an emotional state created by past experiences. If those experiences include frustration, rejection, tension, or unresolved conflict, your nervous system starts reacting automatically. Not because you want to. But because your body learned to “protect you.”
The good news is that emotional conditioning can be changed. And that is where a practical approach like FasterEFT becomes valuable: it helps you clean up the emotional charge of the past so you can stop reliving it in the present.
Why Love Can Feel “Distant” Even When You Still Care
Robert often points out a pattern that almost everyone recognizes: you don’t react to what is happening now. You react to what your brain remembers. Your partner says something ordinary, but your body hears criticism. Your partner is tired and quiet, but your mind translates it as rejection. Then the old emotional program runs, and the conversation ends exactly where it always ends.
This is why many couples feel stuck. They keep trying to “fix communication,” but the real issue is the emotional state underneath. Until that state changes, new words won’t land in a new way.
The First Step: Notice What You Are Really Reacting To
Robert suggests a simple and powerful habit: when you get triggered, pause and ask yourself:
- What am I reacting to?
- What does this remind me of?
- What am I afraid will happen?
These questions are not meant to blame you or your partner. They are meant to reveal the hidden emotional program running in the background. Often it’s not “about the dishes.” It’s about not feeling respected. Not feeling seen. Not feeling safe.
When you see the real issue, you stop fighting the surface and you start healing the root.
Healing Yourself First Is Not Selfish. It’s Necessary.
Robert makes a point many people need to hear: you can’t build a peaceful relationship while you are carrying an emotional war inside. If you have old abandonment, rejection, or betrayal stored in your system, your partner will constantly be “tested” by your nervous system. You may interpret neutral moments as proof that something is wrong.
Healing yourself means you stop demanding your partner to “fix” what your past created. And once you do that, the relationship becomes lighter.
That doesn’t mean you accept unhealthy behavior. It means you separate current reality from old emotional conditioning.
Create New Emotional States Through Positive Experiences
Many couples try to repair intimacy by talking more. Talking is important, but Robert emphasizes something else: you must create new emotional experiences. Your brain changes through emotional repetition. That means you need new moments that feel good and are repeated often enough to become real.
Date nights are not just “romantic.” They are neurological re-training. A walk in nature, a shared meal, a playful activity, a small weekend trip, even an evening where you both laugh—these moments build a new emotional network.
If your relationship feels dry, it’s often because the brain has no recent emotional evidence that love is safe, exciting, or rewarding. Give it that evidence again.
Release the Old Disruptions Instead of Collecting Them
Robert explains that small disruptions accumulate. Unspoken disappointments become emotional debt. And emotional debt always demands payment—usually through sarcasm, distance, passive aggression, or sudden explosions that “come from nowhere.”
One of the healthiest things you can do is to stop collecting emotional debt and start clearing it.
This can be done gently. You can acknowledge what hurt, tap on the feelings (FasterEFT), and allow your nervous system to calm down while your mind reframes the memory. You don’t have to relive the entire past. You simply have to remove the emotional charge that keeps showing up as automatic reactions.
The Power of Writing It Down
Robert also recommends a simple exercise: write down what feels wrong. Not to create a list of accusations, but to bring clarity. When your emotions spin in your head, they grow. When you put them on paper, you see them more clearly—and you can work with them.
You can try two lists:
- What hurts / what triggers me (without blaming, just naming)
- What I truly want instead (the emotional need beneath it)
This alone can change the way you communicate. Because now you’re speaking from awareness, not from reactivity.
Rekindling the Flame Is a Skill, Not a Mystery
Passion does not disappear because you are “with the wrong person.” Often it disappears because your nervous system is exhausted, your emotional wounds are unprocessed, and your daily life has become automatic. The flame returns when you create safety, release old pain, and build new emotional experiences with intention.
If you want to go deeper and learn practical tools for working with emotions, triggers, and relationship conditioning, take a look at my store. You will find eBooks about FasterEFT, the mind, and deep, lasting change—tools that can make this journey easier and more real in daily life.