Some time ago I wrote an article about fear and how to get rid of it quickly.
Since I recently found myself in a very passionate debate about fear and phobias, I’d like to add a few more thoughts. The title of this article may sound a bit misleading—I admit that—but if you keep reading, I believe you’ll see what I mean.
One very important note. If you don’t want to let go of your fear, it won’t be good for your fear if you read this article. It might not survive these lines in one piece.
We’ll be talking about everyday and unusual fear. I assume that each of us sometimes experiences fear to a greater or lesser extent. We already know fear is here mainly to protect us—to keep us safe, for example, from harm. In that sense, fear is a good thing.
But imagine this scenario:
Your workplace is on the twelfth floor of a high-rise. Nothing unusual about that; many people have the same setup. However, there’s one thing that won’t let you relax: that 4 × 2 × 3 meter box that goes up and down and drops people off on their floors. Yes, I’m talking about the elevator. For some it’s completely ordinary; for others it’s an insurmountable problem.
Now picture the tight space, the uncertainty about whether this complicated machine might get stuck somewhere due to a malfunction—or worse, whether one day it might head to the ground at a speed matching its mass and gravity. If my physics of falling isn’t precise, forgive me. Physics wasn’t my favorite subject at school.
So let’s acknowledge that this one thing prevents us from comfortably getting to and from work. Sure, going down the stairs is manageable—assuming no health issues or overworked quads after a run—but what about going up? Twelve floors is a lot of steps to climb every day, especially if you’re not planning a shower right after.
There are some among us who would:
- Rather never take a job on the twelfth floor,
- set the alarm 15 minutes earlier to count the stairs every day,
- or endure very unpleasant states when riding the elevator—the kind you wouldn’t wish on anyone.
I could mention many other common fears. What about spiders and mice? Ladies—be honest—who among you knows someone who can leap onto a table at the sight of these creatures like a trained Olympian? Perhaps someone very close to home, right?
And what about all the other everyday worries: to go out among people or not, the fear of losing a loved one, or simply getting into a car or a bus—and of course the fear of heights. So much happens in the world, and it could happen to us—so the mind says.
If there’s a fear you carry in life, my first essential question is: How do you know you have it?
I’m not trying to make light of anyone’s fear. I know how real it can feel.
When I asked you directly, “How do you know you have it?”, what started happening? Was it memories? Were there pictures, movies, collages, or maybe sounds and voices—and what about feelings? You know very well what it’s like to have that specific fear, don’t you? The kind of fear it’s best to avoid.
Because it seems safer to avoid fear. You can limit the situations in which it appears. You can avoid places where it might show up, right? In fact, it may feel unwise to get rid of fear. You can live with it.
You’re right—you can go through life avoiding it. But there’s one thing you may not have realized: it’s not the situations and places that create fear.
You create the fear. It’s a subconscious, even a conditioned reaction. The worst part is that wherever you go, fear isn’t out there waiting—you carry it with you. It’s inside, telling you what’s safe and what to avoid and, unless you’re among the few who actively seek fear (like some extreme athletes), you probably obey it.
“But fear is here to protect us…”
True—but is it still necessary? Is it certain that the unpleasant situation you once experienced will happen again?
Yes—in your mind, anytime the topic comes up…
Fear controls you—and it does so so perfectly that you may not even notice. Any argument like “I can live with it” or “I know how to avoid it” is just fear doing its job. That’s not free will. That’s not a real choice. There’s no freedom in that, even if it looks like it.
Was it really a fear of elevators?
Back to elevators for a moment. I remember a man who was deeply afraid of them. He experienced all the unpleasant claustrophobic sensations—being shut in a small box with no way to escape, the cold sweat whenever an elevator ride loomed.
The reason for his fear is probably not what you’d guess.
I fully understand all the catastrophic ideas—being stuck for hours in the dark, climbing out between floors, the awful waiting.
But what if, as a child, you had a place you truly hated? A place many people dislike: the dentist’s office. This man, when he was little, really disliked going to the dentist—especially the one you reached by taking the elevator to the third floor.
Perhaps now you can see through to what was really going on: the fear wasn’t about elevators at all—it was about something else entirely. These things happen all the time.
Our subconscious has many, many ways to play with us, and what we think is “fine to avoid” may actually be something completely different.
I’d love for you to say you get this—and that if there’s any fear in your life, small or big, you won’t let it control you anymore.
Let’s make a deal. No one is forcing you to do anything. My articles are meant to be illustrative—and for some, maybe motivational. Above all, I want you to stay safe. So for my own selfish peace of mind, please take a moment with an open mind and write down every fear that follows you through life.
List your fears, list the specific memories tied to them, and use what you already know. Or learn it well now!
If you haven’t yet, grab a new manual that’s free and do what needs to be done. If that’s not enough, there are other options: ask someone for help or join a course. Do whatever it takes so fear is no longer the master.
I swear—once you let go of fear, you won’t “have to” do this or that thing. No one will force you to do anything you don’t want to do. But you might just want to try…
When you can change your fears, you set yourself free.
Is your fear so overwhelming it’s a full-blown phobia?
In that case I have bad news for your fear: the bigger the fear, the worse it is for the fear.
A large percentage of phobias are caused by just one single experience—and once you change that, the fear is done.
Did you know you can even catch fear? Not like a cold, but like a word. All it takes is someone describing an experience vividly enough and your subconscious builds a script it must protect you from. Or take public opinion—you should have seen the comments under the photos of a kind lady who accomplished something (for her) unimaginable. In fact, you probably can—see the attached photo below.
By the way—did you know fear may be the very thing keeping you from your success?
I think the answer to the question in this article’s title is one each of us must give ourselves—you can probably guess mine…
