How to Heal a Broken Heart
It’s so beautiful to be in love. Life flows wonderfully. Our days are filled with happiness and joy. We can’t wait to meet again with the one we love. We can’t wait to open our eyes in the morning and see beside us that beautiful person with whom we have decided to spend our life.
One day, however, we meet our beloved again and everything is different. We see as if they were no longer themselves. As if something had vanished from them, and instead of hot, glowing love, there’s a strange coldness. Of course it’s not indifferent to us and we’d like to know whether something is troubling them and if there’s anything we can do to help so they’ll be themselves again. Only they aren’t anymore—and perhaps never will be. Maybe they’re just about to tell us that it’s time to say goodbye.
Before I write further, I should probably point out this is not an article about how to get your girlfriend or boyfriend back.
You may know very well what it’s like when something like this happens. What pain was brought to you sometime in the past—or perhaps just recently—by the loss of someone to whom you gave your heart, and instead of caring for it, he or she threw it on the ground so it shattered into thousands of pieces. This doesn’t always happen, of course, but it can happen even that way.
Can you imagine how many young lives have gone out after something like this? How many talents have vanished from the world, how much misfortune has been caused? I believe far too much.
Happy are those who haven’t experienced it. The truth, however, is that over our lives the vast majority of us experience this, and those who haven’t will very likely face it…
This article shouldn’t be a threat to anyone or cause anxiety about the future. Quite the opposite. This article is here to show that if something like this happens, it can be handled very elegantly.
If you’ve lost someone very beloved, don’t forget that you’ve been given the opportunity to give your love to someone else—to someone who will need it from you right now. Your former love likely won’t be that person, and to keep knocking and giving love to someone who doesn’t want it isn’t dignified or right. Girls then become embittered and boys become wrecks and desperados. Please excuse both expressions; sometimes that’s just how it is…
If you’re going through something like this right now, please realize that change is life. However unpleasant it is, we never know what better things our life may bring us. It will literally be exactly what we ourselves make of it. The one who can let it go is in the best position. The one who can’t is out of luck—and should probably read on.
If you’ve chosen FasterEFT as a tool to improve your life, you’ll probably have it much easier than others.
I’ll show you now how to do it:
First of all, this is about a loss. Loss is our key word, because in FasterEFT we address it a bit differently than others. This is beautifully illustrated by the story of my friend Dr. Eric Robins from California, who during a hospital shift met a 16-year-old girl who had been placed under observation because she was at risk for a suicide attempt (in English this is technically termed “suicide watch”).
In talking with her, Dr. Robins found out she was suffering because she had lost her beloved boyfriend. He offered quick help and she accepted. They worked very quickly and her condition improved. However, when he asked the girl to bring back her unpleasant feelings, she was able to do so very well. They worked again and again, and she was always able to bring the unpleasant feelings and emotions back.
Then he finally remembered what he’d learned at R. Smith’s seminar when they discussed loss and realized he had forgotten one very important thing.
If you are dealing with loss, you must first address the worst of the worst—after that, everything else will go more easily.
That means he asked her directly: “What is the very worst thing about all this?” She said that the worst thing was her fear that she would never find anyone else.
Though it may sound almost amusing, it is often very true—and many of us think this way. Whether that’s your “worst” or something completely different, it doesn’t matter. The important thing to remember is that when dealing with loss, always start with the worst of the worst, whatever that is for you.
Once Dr. Robins relieved the girl of these fears, emotions, and feelings, she was no longer able to return to her pain and was ready to move on with her life.
If you are in such a state now—or if you ever get into such a situation—use these tips and you’ll feel much better. Something unexpected may even happen. But as I wrote at the beginning: this is not an article about how to get your girlfriend or boyfriend back.
In FasterEFT we especially learn to keep the good and remove the bad. The big problem is that our brilliant mind can take the most positive (the best and happiest memories) and twist their meaning into something completely different. That’s why it’s strongly recommended to also include the positive in your work. Later we can return the good feelings, but they’ll only be good ones. For now, they serve us better if they are neutral.
Perhaps you haven’t gone through this situation for the first time—maybe you’ve already had several painful breakups. Don’t forget about them either. Even “breaking up” is something we have to learn—and by that I mean learning to feel properly miserable. The first time may be an unbelievable shock, but the second, the third time may be even worse because we build on our past experiences and add to them.
Believe me, when you remove losses from the beginning (not only romantic ones, but also family or life losses), you may discover that the current one isn’t even so bad. Just as you learned to feel miserable, what you clear from earlier memories will no longer have the same strength in later ones.
So work from the beginning—clear all emotions and feelings from all relationships and losses.
Remember how it felt when you lost someone in the past and carefully clean it until you can’t bring it back anymore.
Work on each relationship and persist until you feel better.
I want to teach you something very quick and effective. Personally, I prefer thoroughness, but if the whole situation is still very raw and painful, maybe it’s hard to work deeply, and maybe you need help right now rather than processing every relationship in your life. I’d like to introduce a very effective NLP technique—actually a modification of it—that will quickly help and relieve you of your suffering. I’ll teach you this technique in my next article.
If you need absolutely fast relief, you’ll find the promised article here: How to Heal a Broken Heart II.